"Getting away from abuse"
May 16, 2008 by Jennifer BryanUnless we have mental super powers to overcome hurt someone at sometime is going to hurt us and it sticks to our memories as pain.
There are many things that can happen to us because someone has hurt us physically, emotionally, mentally or even sexually.
My ex-husband was emotionally abusive towards me. It was discovered years later he is Bi Polar. He is also an alcoholic that focused on playing mental games.
Occassionally, he would get physically abusive with me. I eventually found out it was because he was coming off a high from doing Crank with his friends after work.
So, why didn't I leave him? I had the All-American Dream. We had a house in a middle class neighborhood, he had a great and stable job, and I was a stay at home mom for quite sometime. I worked a part time seasonal job but even with that I wouldn't get anything but child support for the kids.
There was a catch 22 to that. I had saught the advice of a divorce attorney, four times. The first time was when I was employed part time, seasonal. Even with me working I still wouldn't get the house nor would I have a vehicle! My ex husband was the bread winner of the house so he was entitled to the house and our only vehicle. All I would get is child support. However, when child support was brought up with my ex husband he let it be known he would go to jail before he paid a dime to me for the kids.
Even when I had two jobs after he had lost his job (of 11 years) I wouldn't get much. We had to file bankruptcy then we were losing our home to foreclosure and our vehicle to reposession . By that time I was able to obtain a vehicle of my own though it was a battle to get it.
I stuck with him while he was going through deep depression. I mean I had remembered our vows in sickness and in health. I wanted to give it my all to at least show I had done the best I could.
The final straw that lead me to separating came almost a year after he had been diagnosed as bipolar. I was laying in bed when something apparently set him off. At the time we owned a .45 Rueger handgun which he let it be known that he wanted "blow my f-ing brains out."
He had threatened me before but I let it go. I knew he was very ill and wanted to get him help.
This time I told a good friend of mine (bookkeeper at work). I didn't know what to do or where I was going to go but I had to tell someone should something happen to me...
Did I believe my ex husband would kill me? Yes I did. He had the previous summer attempted suicide on our back deck. When he shot the gun I was sitting on our bed up in the bedroom frozen in fear. I couldn't get up for anything.
The one time I firmly stood up to him in the summer of 2002 had woke me up to how far he would go. We had just got back from his father & step mothers house celebrating the fourth of July. He had gotten intoxicated after a mistake made by his father leaving beer out for him. My now ex husband asked me to stop at the store on the way home so he could get a beer. It was after midnight, we had our children with us so I said no. He got upset with me but I just took it.
However, when we got home I got the kids settled in when he got irrate with me asking if I would go to the store. I once again refused. He then demanded the keys to his vehicle which I also refused to do. I forgot he had the keys to my van (which I had just gotten) and let me know he would leave if I didn't give the keys to his vehicle. I still refused to budge. He was getting ready to leave out the door. For a moment I didn't know what to do. I mean, who is going to help me out immediately at 2 AM?
I told him if he walked out the door I was calling the police. He smirked and responded as if I was bluffing. I then grabbed the cordless phone and dialed 911. I treated it as an emergency in fear he would get in one of the vehicles extremely intoxicated. About the time I began speaking to the operator, he began fighting me to get the phone away. My reaction was to throw the phone behind the couch so he couldn't get to it.
Within two minutes a police officer was at my front door. He didn't get taken to jail but he was taken to a friends house for the night. For the longest time our oldest daughter was angry at me. Years later though, she has learned why I did what I had to do.
I had told her stories of things he has done which at the time I didn't think was abuse. Much of what I had learned was regarding physical abuse, which he didn't do enough in my thoughts to warrant any action.
Instead, my friend immediately took action. I had to find an apartment right away to get out of there and she was going to help me.
For two weeks I had to play a normal life while preparing to move the kids and I out of the house.
When he discovered I was moving out of the house he pleaded with me to give him another chance. I refused so he got aggitated but thankfully left with a friend.
The first two weeks in my new apartment was the most difficult yet it was also the most peaceful time.
I began feeling better about myself knowing I could do things on my own without my husband. I knew it was going to be a challenge as a single mom I just had to keep the faith and continue moving forward.
Jennifer Bryan May 17, 2008
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