Responsibilities, children & parents



For months I have been pondering responsibility, as a definition. If you are a parent then obviously you have responsibilities: to take care of your children, provide them food, water, shelter and clothing. You are responsible for making sure they are educated. Majority of us whether a parent or not have the responsibility of providing financially to ourselves and our families. We have to work to live.

But when is it time to start teaching your children responsibilities? Should your child just enjoy their childhood and when they become teenagers enjoy being one with no cares?

Many of us give our children chores to do in order to earn money. They want or ask for a toy, book, or video game so they work for the money to get what they want.

Most of the people I grew up with got their first job, drivers license and car by age 17. Some had more on their plate than others but everyone was working to pay for a car, new things, help pay bills, or just to have fun on days off.

At 17 I had two jobs working at a local medical uniform shop and as a CNA at a local nursing home facility. Just before my senior year I bought my very first car for $500. It wasn't perfect but it was my car. Eventually I bought the materials needed to fix the body on my car that the high school automotive body shop class would be working on. It took almost a year which was okay.

I recall a classmate, Lisa, who was upset about other classmates getting cars without working or really doing anything for it. That only made Lisa work that much harder though. I couldn't understand either but not everyone had the life that myself or Lisa had. Lisa first worked at Wendy's for almost a year before we became certified nursing assistants. She then worked at the nursing home and years later I discovered she was still working there but this time as a Registered Nurse.

I guess part of my frustrations are hearing stories of teenagers who pretty much waste their lives. It doesn't matter what kind of life situation they are in children can be taught the importance of responsibilities.

My dream had been to be a high school or middle school teacher. I can relate to teenagers more than I can adults, sometimes. My desire has been to inspire teenagers besides motivate and direct them in the direction they have to be in order to achieve what they want in life.

I came across a teenager who is so bright. He is an honor student, involved in high school activities and very adventurous. He is in his last year of high school.  As I got to know him and his family his attitude really bothered me. He is pretty much set to go to college which is very rare today. His parents are expected to wait on him hand and foot. If they are not there he begins to "pout" and mope around. When they have went out of town he has been asked to feed the animals. Numerous times he has fed the animals once so they have went days without food or fresh water.  He has complained about being hungry and not eating. What I have found is he places a guilt trip on the family for leaving him. He has been invited along with them but refuses yet complains about being at home. His grandparents have invited him over to eat with them though he doesn't take advantage of  the invitation as you would think he would.
He has no chores to do or even a job. When school is out he sleeps, plays on his computer, video games and runs over the internet bandwidth. Both of his parents use the internet for their jobs so when the bandwidth is over the limit they are unable to work. Both parents seem to believe their son will be out of the house next summer/fall and off to college.  

I also met his brother who is a couple of years older. As a teenager he was an honor student and very active in school. He also got his drivers license and a job. Locally he attended the community college then transferred to a 4 year college which he will soon graduate from.  I am amazed at the difference in responsibility the two of them have in life. This young man is working, attending college and is also married. Every so often he comes down to visit his family, spend time with his dad, and do some maintenance on his vehicles.

I think of my twin nephews Burl and Tony. As young teenagers they mowed some family and friends' yards to earn money. As soon as they turned 16 they both got jobs. One walked to work while the other rode a bicycle. To get to school they did the same thing. Eventually their Uncle Craig bought them a used car so they could get around more efficiently. Their mom was also a single mom working two jobs and they also had a younger brother they took under their wings. Sadly, Burl was killed at the store he worked out just six weeks before graduation. Tony persevered and graduated. He went to join the Army which he stayed in for a few years.

Then there is another inspirational story about a single mom I knew who had two boys, Stephen and Jon Mark. Stephen was around 10 years older than his brother (about 15 years old) when I knew them. That was nine years ago. Stephen amazed me because he took over the father role to help take care of his brother and to take care of his mom. Stephen rode his bicycle everywhere including the grocery store, school and sometimes to his mothers work. He rode his bike so much he wore the chain out. Stephen kept up with school while making the best of the life he had.

It's stories like these that inspire me. As a mom to three children I am working on teaching them responsibilities. In fact, it is my responsibility to teach them. I want them to be prepared for the adult world as best as possible. There is going to be bumps along the way but the importance is that they learn from those bumps and how to make sure their path stays smooth.

My own life has had many bumps. Some I have learned from while others I am working on understanding. In the last few years I have learned that it is me who makes the choices-to either be responsible or irresponsible.